Senior musings: embracing the present and future

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By Miriam Hammer

As eager as I was, and as much as I counted down the days until I would be able to walk onto campus and call myself a senior of Union College, I did not actually want this year to begin. As excited as I am to see all the amazing people that I have come to know and love these past three years, I did not want this year to actually begin because, before I know it, this year is going to be over. In a relatively short period of time I will be leaving Union. It is this future, whatever lies beyond Union, that terrifies me.

I have always had a somewhat  difficult time staying present. It is not so much that I dwell on the past, but rather that I am constantly and incessantly thinking about the future. Of course, this is something that all students can relate to. Our minds are often consumed by the papers due next week or the midterm lurking at the end of the month. But, I find, as I waltz confidently into my senior year, that this habit of thinking has begun to monopolize my every thought and action.

How ironic that I should pollute my present with anxiety over no longer being in the present! My fear of change – of no longer being at Union – has already begun to remove me from the wonderful world that surrounds me, eight months too soon.

I always used to hear the term “mind over matter,” yet it is only now that this expression makes sense to me. Though I do not have control over outside events, I do have control over my own mind. I cannot change the passing of time, but I can change the way that I confront it.

Of course, this is easier said than done. The fact that I realize that I have this bad habit  is not going to stop the compulsive wheels in my brain from turning around altogether, but hopefully it will enable me to make a conscious effort to slow them down. After all, if I think about it, the tomorrow that I do not want to come stems from the present that I do not want to let go of.

 

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