Letter from the Editors: Our wish list to replace the Cataracs

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By Editorial Board

As much as we love playing bingo on a Saturday night, we look forward to when Concert Committee announces its next concert. Liable as we are to get off track from editing, we began debating who we would pick to perform in Union’s hallowed halls. What follows is just part of our 2012 Concert Wish List.

THE FRONTWOMAN

There hasn’t been a concert fronted by a female artist at Union for several years. To their credit, the Concert Committee is working on this, recently extending an offer to singer-songwriter Ingrid Michaelson (see page 2).

If that doesn’t pan out, we have some additional suggestions. Nicki Minaj, Janelle Monae or Esperanza Spalding all fit the bill, and any one of them would make for a seriously awesome concert.

THE COLLEGE CLASSIC

It’s a cliché, but undergrads love them some Dave Matthews Band. We can picture it now: hundreds of Union students waving their arms tranquilly out on West Beach, murmuring to each other that “Ants Marching” is, like, so their favorite song.

THE WILD CARD

Not all Dutchpeople have mainstream music tastes. There’s a certain contingent of Union students that enjoyed the low-key stylings of The Books two years ago.

We ran on over to Pitchfork’s Best New Music page to see what the cool kids are listening to. Sepalcure? Zammuto? Throbbing Gristle? We don’t know who any of those bands are, but we bet they’re cheaper options than most of our other suggestions.

THE RAP PACK

We know one administrator who would hate this, but several staff members would like to see  a veritable rapper showcase. We’re talking Drake, Lil’ Wayne, Lil’ Kim, Lil’ Jon, Trey Songz, Tyga, Big Sean, Rihanna, Lupe Fiasco, Eminem… the whole freaking crew.

We’d like to add, as a staff of many rap connoisseurs, that Nicki Minaj fits into this category as well. However, Lil’ Kim is definitely out of the question if Nicki (or Barbie, or Roman, or Martha) shows up.

And don’t forget Chamillionaire, the evolved form of Charmander.

THE SCHOLAR’S CHOICE

Enough of this modern noise. Some of us want to hear the sumptuous sounds of a bow on strings. We suggest Owen Pallet, Yo-Yo Ma or Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

THE HOMETOWN HERO

You don’t need to look far for musical talent. Skizzy Mars, known to many as Union student Myles Mills ‘15, has already spit his sick rhymes alongside Hoodie Allen, Chris Webby and The Deans List. A live performance in Memorial Chapel would be an impressive addition to his list of venues. We call dibs on the VIP press passes.

Think about it. Green House Jams could be the opening act.

THE TEENAGE DREAM

Deep down, we get how this is impossible, but think about it for a second: what if the cast of Glee performed here?

Granted, the show has gone downhill over the past season, but  Glee’s star power is undeniable. And we know more than a few students who would appreciate the chance to meet the sexy, Spanish-speaking Mr. Schue.

THE FAMILY BAND

As the offspring of Jay-Z and Beyonce, Blue Ivy is music royalty. She’s already made it onto the charts for her background cries in Jay-Z’s recent internet single “Glory.”

It’s time the three of them hit the road as a group act. Where better to kick off a new career than in the Electric City?

THE OLD STANDBY

Sometimes it’s best to stick with what you know. Members of the staff independently suggested bringing back The Roots (Springfest 2011), Robert Randolph Family Band (spring 2009) or Jason Mraz (winter 2009).

But seriously, the geek in the pink can come back any day. Those seniors who were fortunate enough to be in his presence at his Valentine’s Day concert know exactly what we mean.

VIRAL SENSATIONS

Concert Committee briefly considered bringing viral sensations. We’d suggest Karmin, Azaelia Banks, Auto-Tune the News or that guy who plays the piano with his feet.

Our personal favorite? Yung Humma, known for his hits “Lemme Smang It” and “Sex Syrup.” Look it up.

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