Concordy predicts: THE 2012 FORECAST


By Tess Koman

According to an ancient Mayan prediction, all life will cease to exist by December 21. Considering that the Mayans were able to predict a worldly demise but were unable to prevent their own expiration, some may find their prophecy to be more than just a bit far-fetched. Nevertheless, if the Mayans were correct, this would make the impending year our last. Therefore, the editors at the Concordy thought it would be appropriate to compose our own forecast for the year. Here’s to hoping that this year will bring good fortune and to avoiding the apocalypse!

1. Several loonies will overreact to the imminent ending of the world. The world will not end.

2. After trying out every Republican candidate other than Mitt Romney, the Republicans will settle with Romney.

3. The media will continue to relentlessly overexpose the 2012 elections.

4. After an admirable fight, Barack Obama will prevail, and Mitt Romney will flip flop back to where he came from.

5. After behaving itself for the beginning of the term, Schenectady’s climate is going to turn around and kick us in the ass. We’re talking at least ten or twelve blizzards here.

6. Kim Kardashian will get married again, and it will last a record-breaking 73 days.

7. Apple will come out with a new iPhone, innovatively called the iPhone 5.

8. BlackBerries will breathe their last breath.

9. The United States will experience a long overdue military clash with Iran.

10. In the 2012 summer Olympics, the United States will walk away with more gold medals than both China and Japan.

11. Random power outages will continue to happen on campus, and fire safety violations will skyrocket when students begin hoarding candles.

12. Mom-and-pop bookstores will continue down the path of no return due to Amazon and its unstoppable internet superstore.

13. The Miami Heat will win the NBA championship.

14. Union Hockey is going to do big things this year—maybe not as big as ECAC finalists, but still!

15. The Wold building will be the cool new kid on campus for its first winter term at Union. With Starbucks, high ceilings and lots of cool lighting, it totally crushes studying in the basement of Schaffer.


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