By Tess Koman
Usually, when I ask myself, “Is this real life?” I have found myself in a semi-annoying situation that really wouldn’t bother anyone else. However, when I jumped on the end of the Upper lunch line on Monday at exactly 12:50 p.m. and heard that exact question being asked behind me, I knew I wasn’t crazy.
Working undercover, I was determined to find out what the hell was taking so long to get into Upper at the beginning of common lunch hour on a weekday.
And so my journey began:
12:51 p.m.: Bros with to-go boxes behind me: “Dude, this line is —-ed.”
12:52 p.m.: Haven’t really moved much, but I keep getting jostled forward. Instead of the line snaking back to the mailroom, today it has extended all the way toward the front tables in Reamer.
12:53 p.m.: I take a step forward and am thrilled to see that there is but one Concordiensis left in the drop box.
12:54 p.m.: This time, from a few people ahead of me, I hear, “What is taking so goddamned long!?” Seriously. This is common lunch. We want to be fed.
12:55 p.m.: Some movement! I make it halfway up the stairs and watch as the line continues to extend into former Starbucks territory.
12:57 p.m.: Standstill. A few people smart enough to come to lunch at 12:30 are making their way down the stairs. While they are proud of themselves for getting in early, this does not exempt them from having to pass through the mob line. A girl gets elbowed a few times on the way down. “—- this line, man.”
12:59 p.m.: More people leaving Upper state, “Thank God I got here early.” Yeah, whatever.
1:03 p.m.: Almost up the stairs.
1:04 p.m.: Finally, I make it up the stairs. An exhausted looking Campus Safety officer is standing by the chairs in front of the Upper entrance. He crosses his arms and shakes his head as he watches the line continue to surge forward.
1:05 p.m.: Again, from the eloquent bros behind me: “Oh —-. I forgot this to-go —- —-s everything up.” After all that time, he proceeds to turn around and walk off line. Dude, you were so close!
1:08 p.m.: I’m almost there and I see the source of the problem. There is a crowd by the new to-go takeout system. Staff are frantically explaining to students how the system works.
1:09 p.m.: I’m in.
While that little excursion was fun, I (along with a lot of Union’s student body) do not feel like hovering in a hungry mass of people for a casual twenty minutes at the beginning of common lunch hour every day.
Yes, there are other options on campus, but as soon as 12:50 hits, there is an inevitable wait everywhere.
So I guess the answer to my question is, “Yes. This is real life. And no, you’re not the only one resenting it right now.”
Tess Koman, News Editor