10 commandments for Schaffer: Midterm and finals week edition


By Greg Cannillo

As midterms are fast approaching, I think there is a need for some ground rules to be put in place at the library to prevent students from hurling laptops or TI-84 calculators at one another.

1. Do not save your seat with your stuff. If you plan on doing this so you can hang out in Reamer for an hour, also plan on someone having their own personal book burning party on the steps of the library.

2. Get off Facebook. There is limited seating in Schaffer. I have put in a request for funding to install ejector seats so that anyone on Facebook will rocket through the ceiling.

3. Do not flip your flip-flop while sitting. Although it may help you think, it makes everyone within a 20 foot radius want to beat you over the head with your own sandal.

4. Do not click your pen over and over; this goes for in class as well. It will prevent you being stabbed with a pen in your early 20’s.

5. No giggling to yourself at YouTube videos. Not only is this annoying, it makes everyone around you want to go on YouTube, therefore causing a domino effect of procrastination.

6. Do not crumble food wrappers slowly. I understand that you are trying to be considerate by being careful with the wrapper, but it never works. You are just prolonging the noise. Just go ahead and eat it like a hungry, hungry hippo.

7. Refrain from talking to yourself. You look insane.

8. Keep your headphones on low. If Ke$ha really does help you understand the economic dynamics between China and the U.S.A, then go for it, but remember nobody else wants to hear it.

9. Quit the chit-chat; it is a library. No other student wants to hear how cute you think she looks in her Ugg boots.

10. Be polite to people; you are not the only one on this campus that is stressed out. Having a lot of work does not give you the right to be rude.

Follow these 10 rules and you will escape midterm week without being bludgeoned by a laptop.


Leave a Reply