2008 Woodie Awards
Dutchmen see results at NYSCTC Championships
Max Jack
Issue date: 3/6/08 Section: Sports
Union College Track and Field returned to Canton, New York, for the NYSCTC Championships this past weekend. After a positive start on Friday, the men slid to 15th, while the women held their own in 11th place. Despite the overall results, both squads put forth impressive results in their respective events.
The men's 4x200 relay finished fifth with a time of 1:34.52, which also qualified them for ECAC's next weekend. The fantabulous four, Patricio "Herpes" Guaiquil, Scott "Small Pox" Power, Tripp "Colon Cancer" Pietrak, and Matt "Mange" Wentworth are now guaranteed celebrity status back on campus. "I'd say we just earned the team a new field house," said Power on the bus ride home. Power's interests include connect four and porridge.
Alex "Hepatitis C" Coppola took 8th in the triple jump with a distance of 13.16 meters, an ECAC qualifying time. "Alex alone needs a separate bus for his entourage that he brings to the meets," said Captain, Tripp Pietrak. "Yeah I have my own entourage, deal with it!" shouted Coppola, as he wrapped his arms around his floozies.
In the shot put, junior, Jun-Ho "HPV" Ham placed 11th, with a throw of 13.38, just shy of ECAC qualification. As usual, Ham waited for the other ten throwers in the parking lot after the meet. "I needed more than one crow bar this time," chuckled Ham. On a related note, Ham has been charged with manslaughter.
The Union women were not to be outdone, putting forth a number of impressive results, especially in the relays. The women's DMR, consisting of Jen "Irritable Bowel Syndrome" Merinder, Katie "Lupus" McClean, Allie "SARS" Cuozzo, and Liz "Lyme Disease" Nyberg, stole the show, taking first place and earning the women ten points. "I can't tell you our pre race rituals, because they're top secret," said Nyberg as she polished off a twelve pack of Pepto Bismol. "But, I can tell you that it may, or may not involve chocolate pudding."
The women's 4x200 finished in 11th place with a time of 1:52.69. The result was good enough to earn Merinder, Clarissa "Stroke" Odence, Bridgett "Whooping Cough" Duffy, and Rachel "Menopause" Fitz a trip to ECAC's at Harvard next Saturday. "This might be the happiest moment of my entire life," sobbed Odence, who immigrated to the United States from the war-torn country of Uzbekikazakhstanstantinople. In the span of twenty-four hours, Odence has become a hero to the five other residents of her glorious nation.
Sophomore, Allie Cuozzo, had another busy day, finishing first in both the 800 and the mile with times of 2:15 and 5:07, respectively. The government has recently upgraded her status from citizen to superhero.
Merinder continued another strong winter season with a fourth place finish in the 55 meter hurdles. Clocking in at 8.86, Merinder broke her own school record.
As a reward for both hard work and good results, Coach Riggi, Cottrell, and Guinn chipped in and bought the team a litter of kittens. Senior Captain, Peter "Gonorrhea" Katlic, after recovering from a seizure, named his kitty Mittens.
Union competes in the ECAC Championships next Saturday.
The men's 4x200 relay finished fifth with a time of 1:34.52, which also qualified them for ECAC's next weekend. The fantabulous four, Patricio "Herpes" Guaiquil, Scott "Small Pox" Power, Tripp "Colon Cancer" Pietrak, and Matt "Mange" Wentworth are now guaranteed celebrity status back on campus. "I'd say we just earned the team a new field house," said Power on the bus ride home. Power's interests include connect four and porridge.
Alex "Hepatitis C" Coppola took 8th in the triple jump with a distance of 13.16 meters, an ECAC qualifying time. "Alex alone needs a separate bus for his entourage that he brings to the meets," said Captain, Tripp Pietrak. "Yeah I have my own entourage, deal with it!" shouted Coppola, as he wrapped his arms around his floozies.
In the shot put, junior, Jun-Ho "HPV" Ham placed 11th, with a throw of 13.38, just shy of ECAC qualification. As usual, Ham waited for the other ten throwers in the parking lot after the meet. "I needed more than one crow bar this time," chuckled Ham. On a related note, Ham has been charged with manslaughter.
The Union women were not to be outdone, putting forth a number of impressive results, especially in the relays. The women's DMR, consisting of Jen "Irritable Bowel Syndrome" Merinder, Katie "Lupus" McClean, Allie "SARS" Cuozzo, and Liz "Lyme Disease" Nyberg, stole the show, taking first place and earning the women ten points. "I can't tell you our pre race rituals, because they're top secret," said Nyberg as she polished off a twelve pack of Pepto Bismol. "But, I can tell you that it may, or may not involve chocolate pudding."
The women's 4x200 finished in 11th place with a time of 1:52.69. The result was good enough to earn Merinder, Clarissa "Stroke" Odence, Bridgett "Whooping Cough" Duffy, and Rachel "Menopause" Fitz a trip to ECAC's at Harvard next Saturday. "This might be the happiest moment of my entire life," sobbed Odence, who immigrated to the United States from the war-torn country of Uzbekikazakhstanstantinople. In the span of twenty-four hours, Odence has become a hero to the five other residents of her glorious nation.
Sophomore, Allie Cuozzo, had another busy day, finishing first in both the 800 and the mile with times of 2:15 and 5:07, respectively. The government has recently upgraded her status from citizen to superhero.
Merinder continued another strong winter season with a fourth place finish in the 55 meter hurdles. Clocking in at 8.86, Merinder broke her own school record.
As a reward for both hard work and good results, Coach Riggi, Cottrell, and Guinn chipped in and bought the team a litter of kittens. Senior Captain, Peter "Gonorrhea" Katlic, after recovering from a seizure, named his kitty Mittens.
Union competes in the ECAC Championships next Saturday.
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