How to enjoy your next date this spring

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News Editor

A certain editor for the Concordy may or may not be going on a date soon. This information is more classified then Hilary Clinton’s email.

In the case rumors of this date may be true, I would like to offer up some advice on what to do and not to do on a date.

Hopefully these tips will help not only this editor but anyone looking to have a date better than Jeb Bush’s short lived hook-up with the Republican Party.

Do: Take her out somewhere special.

Every girl loves being treated to a romantic night. My go to special place is Upper Dinning. If you bring her here, she’ll know how much you care for her.

Do: Agree to his romantic night.

Girls, real talk, guys aren’t good at this stuff. So if he makes an attempt even at the slightest romantic night, agree to it.

Especially if it’s in a dark alley, because he definitely doesn’t want to murder you. He just wants to do what Lady and the Tramp did.

Do: Bring an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.

Nothing will make your date feel more confident than getting to meet your last lover.

Let’s be honest, when you tell your date about your ex-boyfriend, he won’t be listening, so you’ll just have to bring him.

Don’t: Offer to pay the bill.

Guys, women just want to be treated as equals. Make her pay the bill.

She will appreciate this sweet gesture. Hey, if your bill comes to $100, it should, according to the law of economics, only be $77 for the woman.

Don’t: Tell him you have a sexually transmitted disease.

Nothing will scare off a guy quicker than this. The night should be filled with romantic surprises, so why not just add yet another one?

Don’t: Go on a date with a guy.

Women, are you crazy?! Men are like the number one threat to women.

You know who’s not a threat to woman? A koala. Go on a date with a koala. Koala’s care, men don’t.

There you have it.

Six tips to make your next date a success. To the editor who is going on a date, if that was just a rumor, well, keep on enjoying the buffet that is Union.

 

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