You can tell winter is here when the nights are colder than Donald Trump’s heart. One question that everyone asks themselves this time of year is, what am I to do about my fashion? How can I look fly when I’m freezing?
Well, have no fear! The Tim Gunn of Union has your Do’s and Don’ts for this fashion season to help keep you feeling hot in the cold.
Wear all white. Your white clothing will act as camouflage and allow you to safely cross campus without being seen by a professor whose class you skipped or a hook up looking for something more serious.
Embrace pants (well yoga pants, but you’ve never done yoga in them, so they’re just pants now)
These have two great advantages. You don’t have to wear real pants and you can make people believe you actually workout. We should not let sexism claim yoga pants as a victim.
Men, too, should embrace the comfort. In fact, I’m wearing a pair as I write this and couldn’t feel more relaxed.
Wear the same thing everyday. You think people will notice, but they won’t. Trust me. They are more concerned with when they’ll nap next to notice you. Anyway, it works for Homer Simpson, right?
Tie your boots. You will look so much cooler in them if you don’t tie them. To add to the swag, slam them down with every step you take. Everyone will think that is just the coolest.
Wear a jacket to a party. Why on Earth would you cover up your little black dress or Vineyard Vines polo? Stupidity! Don’t let -10 degree weather ruin your fleek. You keep on, fleekin’ on.
Wear hats that cover your earsThe best way to wear a winter hat is as a large yamaka. They serve no other purpose than to make you look as cool as Kim Jung Un’s girl band.
There you have it. Six great tips for this snowy season. Since I like you guys so much, here is a bonus tip: always complain about how cold it is. No one else knows this and they just have to know!
Help out your fellow Dutchmen and inform them, then they can find this list and heat up their fashion in the cold.